Me

 It occurs to me that I am hard wired as a "me". Not me as a character, but a me as separate - me as not part of. Actually I realized that my default is that I don't think of my self as part of anything. Well maybe as part of my immediate family. But that's about as far as it goes. 

Now I realize all the usual clichés and facticity's apply. There is evidence that I belong.. I live in a community which is part of a town. I belong to a gym which I use several days per week and know a bunch of other guys who work out there. I regularly play golf with a group of friends. I regularly participate in online programs and am know in those communities. Etc. I could go on but you get the scene. I interact with all kinds of people and in some circles, many would say, I am well known.

Still when I look as these aspects of my life I find my real default thinking/way-of-being about it is that I don't really belong. It's more like I'm still earning my place in these environments - with these people. It's subtle but always there in the background. It's sort of like a nagging background expectation - a set programming - an automatic reality. There's farther to go before I arrive. And so I must keep trying.

Of course it's silly, not true, ridiculous, moronic, ungrounded and stupid. Nonetheless, it's there. When I stop trying to belong somewhere, I don't - belong that is. I'm aware of it now such that I wonder if that isn't some sort of deeply ingrained human condition - maybe the source of us needing each other. Can you imagine not needing anyone? Really? Just Ok alone? Forever? I can't. It almost occurs for me like being dead. That final. That unfeeling. That undifferentiated.

While watching Donald Trump at one of his rallies, it occurred to me that he was eating up the adulation. I wondered about his childhood. If adulation or maybe even being just regarded were missing - as in his parents didn't have a high regard for him. It evolved for me that belonging was really a state of being regarded, being recognized, having value to another.

I realized I don't seek adulation- just regard, maybe respect, as in respecting my existence. It occurred to me that this is what our African American, Indian, and Latino populations are seeking; being regarded, being respected - not anointed, not special, just regarded, just recognized, just mattering. It seems to me that for them, belonging is really missing!

So the me, or if it's also true for you, the us that I'm pointing to innately does not belong. I can't tell if it's in the genes or we're born into that conversation such that it's learned. Of course I/we will survive our sentence. We'll pass on to the next form of energy the universe has in store for us, give up our paltry awareness's and wander/wonder into future, perhaps completely unconcerned for whether we belong or not. 

Points of View

In 1979, while in the Est training, I discovered I had a point-of-view; not just A point-of-view, but THE true point-of-view (POV). That second part was the most difficult to get. I stood in there in an exchange with Randy, the leader, sorting out the difference between my POV, other’s POVs, the truth, perceptions, interpretations, and beliefs.

After ten minutes of back and forth with Randy, I got that I (we all) have a POV. However, my POV wasn’t just any POV, it was closer to the truth – that shared POV that I knew was out there, supported by a majority number of facts (otherwise known as perceptions), so that my POV was the best, most informed, and defendable POV. It was a justified POV; more like the truth; clearly what I knew and my REALITY, my “what’s so”.

And if I could enroll a sufficient number of other people, or find enough others who already agreed with me, then there was real agreement. And when we had enough agreement, we had the ultimate truth, i.e. “rocks-are-hard-and-water-is-wet”, sort of like they preach in church.

Believe me I wasn’t happy about discovering that what I thought was “true”, or “real” was just my point-of-view. I argued that there was “truth and reality”, there was cause and effect. So I challenged Randy with a bunch “what-ifs and how-about’s”.

“What about rocks are hard?”, I asked. “Are you saying they aren’t?”. “And isn’t water wet?” (The phrase, “Rocks-are-hard-and-water-is-wet”, had been used earlier in the program). Randy just smiled. And stuck his tongue out at me. I stood there flummoxed, thinking from somewhere I’d never thought from before, while he just waited; waited for me to let go of my POV about my POV and look from a new place.

I thought to myself, “Ok. Rocks are hard to me. Maybe even to us. Then how about from a molecular perspective? Or the perspective of the universe? Are rocks hard to the universe? 

Maybe not. At least from that universe’s perspective. Does the universe even have a perspective? Maybe from that perspective rocks are just very slow-moving particles; and we call them hard, and agree that they are, in fact, hard. Is there any “hard” in the universe?”

I was about to sit down when a new what-about popped into the that voice-in-my-head, which by this point in the weekend, had become very present for me.“Well what about GOD. We all know there’s a GOD, don’t we? If that’s a POV, it’s global!”, I said. 

“Maybe”, Randy responded. He went on, “I could ask, which is really GOD? What about Buddha, Allah, Paramatta, The Great Spirit, or kami? Which is the true God, the right God?.

 “I’m not arguing that any particular one of these is the supreme one, or the right one, or the true one. Maybe they are all just large-population-points-of-view, all agreements among very large populations. And there are some people, even a lot of people, who believe there is no GOD. That’s their point-of-view.” he finished.

I sat down. I realized there was no way out of this box. I have a point of view and I cannot escape that I have a POV. And neither can anyone else. So, what’s the big deal? There is no way to be free of our points-of-view. We can argue that our POV is the “right” POV. We can argue that other’s POVs are not, or that ours is supported by more facts, more scientific research, more agreements, more laws, more research, more evidence, etc. Right? There’s that word “right”.

Mostly though we just accept our POVs as what’s so. We don’t inspect them. We don’t question them. Indeed, we seek evidence to support them. And we certainly don’t give them up easily! They just are. Get enough in that pile of evidence and we’re certain our POV is the right POV. There’s that word “right” again.

And when anyone argues with our point-of-view we dig in our heels. We dredge up our practiced justifications and launch into spirited defenses of our POVs.  Those defenses are also part of our point-of-view. It’s ALL just our point-of-view. It’s all we’ve got! We can’t escape it!

There’s no proof that one is better than another, arguments rarely change it. We are doomed to be right about it! We will defend our POVs to the death. We can’t give them up. We can’t let go of them. Our brains are hard-wired to their truthfulness. They are our very reality!

It sucks to have a POV! Think about it. If all I think is just my point-of-view, then who's responsible? Who do I blame? If my POV is that GOD is ultimately the final responsible party, then I'm off the hook! After all, “Its Gods will". Right?

I mean, who in their right mind wants to be responsible for their POV? Their attitudes? Their perceptions? Their opinions? Their very reality? Really? Come on dude! What about the “stupid” people who support Trump?

I saw a collective-scientifically-supported-POV on the National Geographic Channel a while back (Mass Extinction) that asserts there is scientific proof that we (people) are currently engaged in practices that are bringing about the sixth mass extinction of life on the planet. Included in our practices is our denial that we are engaged in, and responsible for, or have anything to do with that ultimate planetary result, which the scientists predict will have concluded within the next 200 years

Don’t worry though. It’s just their POV!

There is a useful response to people's POV, however: "Thank you for sharing."